We often mistake result with purpose

Hello, my dear friends,

As some of you may know, for the last three years I’ve been working on bringing my business idea to life, but so far, without success.

I underestimated (by a lot) the amount of energy and effort building a business would require. I’ve lost count of the times I thought I was close to getting clients after launching a new strategy, only to be met with silence.

In this issue of Sincronía, I want to share some of my latest thoughts regarding my project that might be useful for your own creative endeavors and daily activities.

Three years ago, when we arrived in Sweden, I had such a clear vision of my Birth photography business that it almost seemed silly.

It will be so easy to make people buy into this thing I am so passionate about. There are so many couples having babies that this will just be a piece of cake, I used to think.

While it’s true that many couples bring new life into the world each month in my town, the reality has been much harder. It’s been difficult to make people see what I’m trying to do and help them understand why they might want or need it.

I’m realizing (once again) that the way I’ve been doing things isn’t working. And this time, even though it’s hard to admit, I know why.

One of the reasons I skipped university was because the career paths laid out for me all seemed to lead to lifestyles I didn’t want. After so many years of school and high school, I longed for a life of freedom.

I wanted to live on my own terms. I didn’t want to be stuck in a place I didn’t like, at a time that didn’t work for me, just to earn a small amount of money that would leave me struggling to make ends meet. (This is more or less where I find myself now, writing this newsletter, and where I’ve always been until now).

When I started exploring photography, I realized it could bring me closer to the lifestyle I wanted—traveling, working on my own terms, and doing something I enjoyed. So, I started studying and figuring out how to make that happen.

These were the years when the internet and YouTube were exploding, opening up endless possibilities for those willing to take the chance. I resonated deeply with everything that was happening. I still do.

It’s been ten years since I made the choice to jump into the unknown, quit a career I had pursued since childhood, and start searching for who I truly am.

Honestly, in my best dreams, I thought I would have reached my goals by now, around the age of 30. But more often than not, I feel like I haven’t because my business isn’t making money, and I still rely on employers to earn my living.

I’ve made myself suffer so much because of this. For years, I felt stupid and lazy for not figuring it out yet.

I felt confident in my photography and tried to sell my services for what I thought they were worth, but the truth is, I don’t have enough experience, and there isn’t much demand for what I offer here in Sweden. This combination makes my business idea not work, even though I know it has potential.

I became so obsessed with making this business work, focusing too much on the wrong aspects, that I ended up not documenting any births for a whole year.

I often reach out to mums in Facebook groups, offering huge discounts, yet almost no one responds. For a long time, I wanted to believe I was targeting the wrong buyer persona or that people didn’t have enough money. But when I think about it honestly, that doesn’t make sense. In Sweden, this just can’t be the case.

If I’m honest, I’ve recently felt like I’m losing interest in babies, mothers, and births. A couple of times, I’ve felt like throwing in the towel and moving on. The constant struggle for money was exhausting me.

I’m the kind of person who reflects a lot on the things that happen to me. I know there’s a reason for things to be the way they are, even if it’s uncomfortable.

I was ruminating on my business until I understood that nothing would work until I was doing it for the right reason. For me, the right reason is always a reason of love. But for years, I’ve focused so much on learning about business strategies and how to make this thing work that I ended up only chasing money.

Don’t get me wrong—of course, part of me does this for the money and the freedom this job could bring into my life. Wanting money is a valid pursuit, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting more of it.

We all know that more money means more freedom and possibilities, which makes aiming for more a good enough reason. But I was focusing all my efforts on the wrong thing, hence the result.

I’ve learned that my relationship with money needs serious attention, but there are a couple of things I’ve taken from this life lesson that I think are worth sharing:

First of all, I had attached my self-worth to the amount of money I could make with my photography.

This is dangerous and made me feel like crap for too long. As I thought about it, I realized how stupid this is, and I’ve managed to let go of this feeling a little.

Our perception of ourselves and others is linked to toxic assumptions about the value of people who have more or less money, but in reality, our worth isn’t defined by the amount of money we have, but by other qualities.

Secondly (and a part of me hates to admit this), I was so identified with being a photographer that being a waitress or anything else didn’t feel right. There’s a lesson here that has finally sunk in after years of learning about the ego and its tricks, and it’s funny how I thought I understood it: who I am has nothing to do with what I do. My identity isn’t tied to the activity I perform for money or any other activity or thing.

With these truths in mind, it was much easier to return to a state of calm. From this place, I’ve concluded that I just need to take photos. Document people’s lives.

That is what I love. I find beauty and value in the process, and I think I can share this value with others. Why not just offer it?

If I’m not making money from it but also not making photos, something is very wrong. This situation has lasted long enough for me to agree with myself that I need to offer it for free, and that’s what I’m doing from now on. I am trying to connect with the part of me who is in love with this type of photography and enjoy. Life will take care of the rest.

The biggest reason I pursued this career is the number of issues I see attached to the journey of maternity, both at a societal and individual level.

There are still so many taboos that cause us to suffer, and it’s my purpose to bring those to light.

When we embark on a journey of entrepreneurship, nothing is guaranteed except that it won’t be easy and that you’ll learn a lot if you’re willing to go through the struggle of things not working out repeatedly.

Our passion for the work should be what drives us, but we often mistake results for purpose.

Chasing the results we might obtain won’t take us far since they’re also out of our control.

If we don’t find joy in the work itself, what’s the point, right?

I wanted to end today’s issue with a practice that has been helping me a lot lately because of everything I’ve shared with you.

I might be in the toughest moment of my personal life, with my wife struggling in her journey to heal from cancer. She’s been in constant pain for three months and is so tired that almost all she can do, apart from focusing on her healing routines, is lie down.

This experience of being by her side has helped me see everything from a new perspective. It has made me turn my focus inward and into our life, and honestly, everything else has lost much of its importance.

I’ve become aware that, despite all the steps we’ve taken towards a life that feels more aligned with us (and we’ve made significant progress in this regard), I was so obsessed with reaching other goals that I missed out on recognizing and appreciating how far we’ve come and the life we’ve built.

Seeing Silvia go through what she is going through now has made me wake up and finally realize that I already have a pretty good version of the life I’ve always dreamed of: we live in the forest, by ourselves, in a beautiful house surrounded by wildlife. We have our dogs, who can run free and play. We also have more time to be together, especially now that I work from home, at least part-time.

Of course, there are ways we could still improve, but the truth is, things already look very good.

I find myself less anxious, feeling a deep sense of gratitude I had never experienced before. I’m discovering that the smallest things, like playing with the dogs outside, hearing the birds sing, feeling the grass under my bare feet every day, the heat, the cold, being with Silvia, and loving her through this journey, are enough. They fill me with so much joy and gratitude that everything else becomes easier to attempt.

There’s no longer a hurry when you understand that life is already perfect as it is.

Things I am enjoying lately:

📔 This whole process has made me stop scrolling and spend more time learning things that can help me assist others. I am currently rereading one of the books that greatly aided my journey in healing my creative energy: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

I have a feeling that everyone online has already discussed the concept of morning pages, which is a significant part of the recovery process Julia proposes for artists in the book. However, there are many more valuable ideas in it. I am revisiting these concepts and hope to transform them into helpful content for YouTube, and possibly Instagram and this newsletter.

🎵 Love Again, Celine Dion’s new song.

Recently, Silvia and I watched the documentary Celine Dion released about her journey with Stiff-Person Syndrome. Her determination to heal has been profoundly inspiring for me, especially as we navigate a similar journey with Silvia. Seeing Celine record her new song, 'Love Again,' while she was barely able to sing, touches me deeply. We’ve had this song playing in the background at home quite a lot this summer.

📽️ Ripley, the Netflix series.

I never watch series because there are so many out there, and I know I would get hooked. Our time is a limited resource, and I prefer to spend mine on activities that feel more meaningful. However, my brother recommended we watch Ripleyabout a week ago. It’s a short series, marvelously produced, based on the Tom Ripley character created by Patricia Highsmith in her novels from the 1950s to the 1990s.

I had watched The Talented Mr. Ripley several times; Silvia and I love that film, and I know there have been other adaptations of these novels. But this Netflix series is amazing. It’s like candy for the eyes. We watched all eight episodes in two sittings, and Silvia is actually rewatching it. It’s that good.

Youtube channel news

I recently removed all the videos from my YouTube channel because I now have a clearer vision of what I want to share and discuss. I’m focusing on creating videos about creativity, including how to unlock it and why it’s important, even if you’re not involved in the arts. Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss any of these new videos.

Thank you so much for reading this far.

Stay creative,

Paloma 🕊️