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PINK evening reflections
The start of a new decade
I turn 30 years old next Sunday.
This may not sound like a big deal, but there’s something to the start of a new decade that feels renovating in a way.
I remember when, many years ago, I projected myself into the future and thought about my 30s, I got the image of a young woman who would have a more solid ground built for herself.
I know this projection has everything to do with what we’ve been told we have to do. It is the idea of success we’ve bought growing up.
Things couldn’t have been more different, which of course doesn’t mean what has happened is bad. It simply differs (a lot!) from the thought of myself at 30 I had when I was younger.
30 felt so far into the future. It felt like a lifetime away from my adolescence.
These years have gone by like the blink of an eye, and here I am now, about to turn and enter this new decade.
My 20s have been a journey of exploration.
During the last ten years, I’ve tried on every idea that had been pushed into my brain during my years of education.
And surprise, the majority of them didn’t fit me.
But - and here goes another surprise - nobody had told me which path to follow, nor did they offer any tips to find it.
This has made me spend these years exploring, finding out who I am and what I’ve got to give.
At the same time as I was growing and maturing, life has changed so much as well. Humanity is in the middle of a crisis at so many levels, which makes things even more challenging. And yet, I’ve learned to embrace this never-ending uncertainty as part of the game.
This turning 30 thing happens at a time when I feel I am ready. - For what? - You may ask.
I am ready to be myself, to share what I’ve learned, and what has brought me here. I am ready to live my time on my terms.
Something has changed within. I am at peace with who I am in a way I had never experienced before.
I feel at peace with my body, the vehicle that allows me to experience life. I’ve learned to move in it. Now I know what makes it feel good, what causes discomfort, and even pain.
It’s like I’ve become one with it. I love it and accept it fully. This attunement brings so much peace and self-love, something I missed growing up.
There’s only one little thing that I need to let go of in this transition: the sense of failure that came with thinking that I hadn’t accomplished the things I thought I would have accomplished by now.
It’s such a stupid thing that has been holding me back a little bit lately.
My wife had to remind me of this recently in one of our conversations.
Life goes through us, and in doing so it brings us to places we didn’t necessarily expect. That’s just how it goes, and we can only surrender to the fact. Otherwise, we’ll suffer.
So here I am, sitting on the couch, in my newly painted living room, giving these thoughts some shape so that I could share them with you and just one week away from my 30s.
A lot is coming, and this time it’s for real. Be ready to hear from me more often.
I’ve always felt lost when it came to this project of mine. I had no idea what to do with it, and what I was putting out there felt so meaningless.
It was only a couple of weeks ago that I got enlightened, and everything makes perfect sense now.
It doesn’t differ all that much from the vision I always had for my channels, but something has changed. Like I said before, it’s like I feel ready.
To finish this letter, I would like to share with you some of the things that kept me company and filled me with inspiration lately.
Videos:
📽️ These videos have made me tap into something I was missing. I hope that you’ll get beauty out of them too.
Books:
📖 The War of Art - I have recently started to read this book. In the past I had avoided it because I didn’t think art, creativity or self-knowledge went well with the word WAR.
The book has quite a bit tough tone, and yet I like it. It’s not how I would go about the internal conflicts that block us as creatives, but it does the job in its own way.
Song:
🎶 My Father’s Eyes - Eric Clapton
I’ll leave now, with this image of my garden and pink night sky.
Stay creative.
I’ll be back really soon.
With love,
Paloma 🕊️