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- Fear, loss, and the Six circumstances of Life
A longing to understand me as a human being and the world where my life unfolds marked the beginning of my adult life. To get to the bottom of this understanding, I’ve had to be ok with facing my fears. Early I learned great things were unlocked when I dared to take the leap.
Welcome to the first issue of my newsletter, Sincronía. I feel like this will be the longest introduction I'll ever write. Through the years, I've struggled to step into social media platforms because of the dangers using them entails. I want to be respectful of your time and space.
Please read me when you feel like doing so, not because some platform is bombarding you with the information I put out there.
A newsletter was the perfect way to share these written thoughts of mine and bring them to you in a respectful manner. I hope you get something valuable from it and that we can learn from each other.
You and only you are responsible for inventing and showing ways of living without the garbage destroying society. For now, leaving (social media) is the only pathway toward discovering what can substitute for our huge mistakes.
What can you expect from this Newsletter?
My current thoughts and ideas that I am playing with, together with exciting things I find over the internet and feel can be valuable for someone else, insights from books, films, videos... even music! Who knows?
I want it to become a collection of good stuff, a reference, or a guide for those who need it. That sounds like an ambitious goal, I know. But I'll try my best to keep it this way.
Oh, and it is called Sincronía because I love it when something you need or were looking for suddenly appears for you to grab it.
Sincronía means you and that thing are perfectly tuned. In a way, that's what I would love to happen with you and my Newsletter ☺️
Well no. Nowadays, it is silly not to have a presence online; More than a website is needed. Social media is just another door for other things to come into my life, and I treat it as such. We must know how these platforms can be harmful to protect ourselves.
It's just that I feel like the nature of the things I want to talk about is separate from the speed of today's ways of consuming information, and I want to do it my way. But enough of this.
Welcome to Sincronía. I hope what you'll find here resonates and brings good things to your life.
Fear, loss, and the Six circumstances of Life
According to my therapist, there are only six different kinds of circumstances associated with times when we have to deal with loss in our lives. He explains that we often feel the wrong emotion when dealing with these circumstances, leading us to suffer. Knowing which type of situation we are facing and what its relationship to loss is can be of great help if we know what emotion will help us accept this situation and go on with our lives.
When we can vibrate with the situations that we live, the result is a good experience. However, when we can't tune in to the circumstances, our experiences turn against us, paving the way for discomfort and suffering to appear.
Threat of loss
We are at threat of loss when we risk losing something we have or are working hard for and want to get. We haven’t lost or even achieved that thing yet, but we can sense the danger of losing it.
I fear the future will turn out differently from what I desire.
When we are in a situation like this, it is crucial to be able to notice that we are dealing with the possibility of losing something we want or have
So we must activate the proper mental-emotional mechanism to prevent us from experiencing that loss.
The emotion that will help us to do so, believe it or not, is FEAR. Contrary to what we might think, genuine fear will make us arrange things to prevent the loss from happening.
Fear forewarns us of potential danger or a threat of loss. It is crucial that we feel it so that we can prepare and take action to protect ourselves.
Loss
In these circumstances, the loss has already taken place. We have gone through something different from what we wanted to experience.
There's no other way but to accept the loss. And for acceptance to make its magic, we must learn to truly let go, freeing what we've lost from a good place within us with intelligence.
The emotion that will help us deal with loss is SORROW.
Genuine sorrow acts like an emotional stabilizer, allowing us to get less moved under these circumstances and think better to find alternative compensation for what we've lost.
Connection with sorrow means accepting the loss that we've experienced and stopping rejecting it.
Taking chances
These circumstances appear in our lives so that we can improve our level of competence and development as human beings.
Many times facing challenges means choosing to lose something. Every time we make a choice, we reject something else.
Toxic fear can make us seek safety at all costs, making it hard to take risks. We forget life itself is a synonym for change and flow. Growing and evolving means stepping out of our comfort zone, which entails a certain level of risk.
The emotion that will put us in a position where we choose to take risks and overcome fear is genuine ANGER, or what will sound more familiar, COURAGE.
Three steps to facing challenges:
1. Ask yourself what's the worse thing that could happen if you fail.
2. Accept the potential risks your challenge could bring.
3. Project trust in the future. Complete trust that the result of your risk will be the one you expected before deciding to take the risk.
This step is often overlooked, but yet fundamental. We have a tendency to propel ourselves with fear and negativity. Visualization is a technique that will help us see the result we want to achieve before it happens, with trust and faith that what we are getting ourselves in for will result fine.
Life will often bring us circumstances where taking chances is the best way forward, even if it means accepting the fear and uncertainty of the outcome.
We must be open enough to see that behind these risks lies an opportunity to improve and grow. We'll become a better and more mature version of ourselves with every step forward.
Creating what doesn't exist
These circumstances are essential for us to find and occupy our place in the world.
Creating is only possible if we believe we can do it.
Moments when we need to create what we desire, what doesn't exist. To find balancing alternatives after a loss, or even to handle a threat of loss, preventing it from happening.
These are my favorite circumstances because creativity is essential in such moments. There are thousands of things in our lives that require a creative solution.
Examples of these can go from finding a solution to repair a table, creating a cozy environment at night in your living room, to even creating the life you wish to live.
The problem many people face when dealing with these circumstances is often a lack of self-confidence (toxic fear) instead of feeling capable of creating what we dream of. PRIDE is the emotion that will help us occupy our place in the world, making us capable of creating what we want or need.
Each time you dream of creating something that is missing in your life follow these steps:
1. Know what you want/need.
2. Feel an intense desire to achieve it within yourself.
3. Feel absolute trust that you will achieve your goal.
This is not magic, but visualizations are strong and create new pathways in the brain that will ease your way toward your goal. Hard work, perseverance, and patience will be critical companions in this process.
Pride is a beautiful emotion because it allows us to be ourselves, just as we are. It will enable us to accept ourselves fully. It protects us from the opinions others might have about us. It helps us resist adversity, keep going, and live up to circumstances we have to face.
These circumstances will allow us to develop our relationships with one another to build understanding, flexibility, agreement, forgiveness, protection, compassion, taking care of others, patience, collaboration, generosity, altruism, empathy, union, etc. Also, to help others in moments of loss.
The mistake we make when we need to be a team with someone else is to feel either toxic love, be it being selfish or overprotective, or toxic anger, for intransigence or imposition. Instead, we need to learn to feel genuine LOVE.
Love makes us compassionate and kind. It is everywhere, and we can take it and give it back to the universe, just like we do when we breathe. It removes fear and worry and brings trust and joy.
It improves us, allowing us to become forgivers and make peace with our past.
Enjoy and flow
Live and be present. That's what these circumstances come to teach us. There's no loss involved here, because when I am at peace with life I don't resist WHAT IS, I accept it.
Past and future disappear from the mind.
We are constantly making the mistake of jumping to the future or the past, feeling (toxic) emotions that kick us out of what’s actually happening. Noticing this is a huge step in self-growth.
Genuine JOY is the emotion that protects us from the past and the future, allowing us to BE.
Even though going through these notes has given me clarity to face the moments Silvia and I are going through together now, it was tough for the 18-year-old me to understand these teachings.
Genuine Love and Joy are hard to explain, and it wasn’t until I read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle years after going through these with Roberto in his workshops and private meetings that everything started to make sense to me. That’s why I cannot stop recommending this book. Once you read it and resonate with what Eckhart goes through, there’s no way back.
I want to thank you if you’ve made it this far. I summarized this part of Roberto’s book so that more people could benefit from what he once taught me and many others. I hope it is clear and you can get something out of it.
Sending you all my love, until next time,
Paloma 🕊️